Tuesday, 26 June 2012

Ohhhhh the guilt!!!

Being a mum (for me) seems to be riddled with guilt!  I can't get away from it...

I'm constantly feeling guilty for... well, everything!  Here are some examples of things I tend to feel guilty about:

1. Not playing with my boys enough (but seriously, I suck at Lego and I hate trains - anyone wanna learn how to French Plait?  I'm up for that!)

2. Not cooking healthy enough dinners (or even planning for dinner particularly well... it's not uncommon for me to run in the door at 5pm thinking "Oh bugger, bugger, bugger I've got nothing out of the freezer!")

3. Not having enough money to send my kids to all the art classes, acting classes, Karate classes they want to go to (we do 'soccer' so there is some consolation in that)

4. Not having enough money to buy them the fancy-shmancy, zingy-pingy, twisting-twirling, brightly coloured toys they see on TV every morning (and actually doubting they would even play with them after the first 'twing-shwing-light explosion' but not being able to convince them of that)

5. Not being able to go away on the 'snow holiday' that they keep asking for (and apparently all of Mr 7's friends are going on)

6. To combat the lack of finances that causes this guilt, I would have to get another job, which would mean working more hours, which means more guilt due to the lack of time to play and to cook healthy dinners (see points 1 and 2) so therefore feels like a double-guilted situation!

7. Oh yeah... and then there's the biggie... the heaviest burden... when I 'lose the plot' and have a huge raging hissy fit at the kids.  Yep.  There are times that I yell and scream and pull what I imagine are extremely unattractive faces.  And then I stop and see their wide eyed little faces and feel bad (but also I relish that moments silence... ooops I didn't say that...).

But we have had a family meeting and decided that as a family we will ALL have a 'No Yelling' rule.  And it works really well... mostly.  But then the guilt and the busyness and the housework and the 'work-work' and kids arguing and constant demands on my time and the five million things running around in my head that are on my 'to-do' list that haven't been done - all comes tumbling down on top of me and then one of the kids argues with me about something... and the no yelling rule gets promptly hurled out the window.  And... hello guilt, my old friend, there you are again!

1 comment:

  1. Welcome to parenthood. The guilt is the worst. I don't have much advice to offer, but I will say that money doesn't matter. When the boys are grown-up, they won't remember the things you didn't do with them, they'll remember the things you DID do. The simple fact of life is that we make choices about what we will do with our time and money. You have chosen to set your boys an example of something that we don't often see in life - selfless contribution to those less fortunate. That is a lesson that all the money in the world couldn't buy them.

    Just do what you can day to day. Make sure everything gets written in a family diary so you know what your commitments are. Meal planning has never worked for me, so I have a really well-stocked pantry and freezer and can produce almost anything. I do try and think about it the night before and take stuff out of the freezer, but have in reserve a few "quick" meals for those nights when things go pear shaped.

    And please don't think that you're alone, because most of us shout at our kids, don't have as much patience as we should, think "omg do I really have to play with lego again?" and feed our kids baked beans on toast.

    If it gets too much, take a deep breath. Then another, and then a third, and think "this too shall pass". All the best!