Tuesday, 30 August 2011

I'm NOT ready for this!!!

I always thought I would have no problem when it came to discussing the facts of life with my kids.  My mum was incredibly open... probably sharing a weeny bit more than I really cared to know... actually a whole truck load more than I could ever have wanted or needed to know!

But this morning as my six and a half year old was eating his cornflakes, he casually asked, "So... how DO babies actually get out of the mums tummy?"  I froze.  My insides tensed, convulsed, quivered and contracted - yep, even a little bit of vomit came up into my throat (see that sharing-too-much thing is hereditary sometimes...).

On the outside I was cool as a cucumber - staring straight ahead, out the window, completely intrigued by what I saw... grass.  So I went for a swift change of subject: "Man, that grass is GREEEEEN today?  Isn't it?  Look at that grass, would you?  Good stuff grass.  You should really look at the grass more mate.  Anyway, how are your cornflakes going?  Eating them up?  Yep?  Good boy.  Gosh is that the time, I better go and... do something... in my room... I'll be awhile... you, ah, just finish up your cornies.  Good boy."

I hastily retreated to my room.  He's six.  The worst thing about six year old boys is their short attention span.  For the first time in my life, I was soooo grateful for that lacking attention span.  Crisis averted, all was good in the world, he would forget this conversation and we could wait to have it at a more appropriate time.  Like, when he's... married.  His wife can tell him.

I walked back into the kitchen where Mr Six was putting his plate in the sink (very well trained - I take FULL credit).  "Good boy!  Now quickly go and get your school bag and let's get organized for school."  Then it happened.  He eyeballed me in a way that he never has before and my toes went cold with fear... I knew it was coming.  "But Mum, you still didn't tell me how the baby gets out of the mums tummy - and I need to know."  AAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!  I'm not ready for this!!!!!!  (I thought this, I didn't scream it at him - although I felt like it.)

I did manage to look grumpy and impatient enough to put him off though (I know, I'm a meanie - my three year old tells me that daily).

I rang the hubby.  "He wants to know HOW the babies get out." I said. "Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!" Said hubby.  NOT the right response.

A discussion ensued where we agreed that it's better he hears it from people he loves and who can tell him the real facts, before he hears it from someone at school blah, blah, blah.   So we figure my mum is the best person... just kidding.  Kind of.

I dropped him off at school and then immediately went and bought a book.  It frightens me.  It has a picture (a vague pencil sketch in pastel colors) of a baby emerging from between a ladies legs - you can't see the ACTUAL, well, you know... 'it'.  But you can tell it's coming out from between her legs.  It talks all about love and all that stuff, but I just can't get past the picture.  My child will KNOW.  As much as we tell him not too, he's bound to tell other kids (I remember going to school armed with similar information - I had kids coming from other schools to glean from my seemingly infinite 'sexing' wisdom).  So I'm responsible for someone else's child too!!  It's endless!!!

Ohhhh, I feel sick.  I need cake.


  1. Rolling on the floor laughing. With you. Oh my. I hope he likes the book!

  2. Thanks imba ;-) And thanks for adding that you're laughing with me... although I'm suspicious... I currently feel too ill to laugh, the book is staring at me, and I just ate too much cake.

  3. Bahahahahahaha give it to grandma! By the time she gets half way he will be screaming at her to stop! Lol

  4. I love how you write - I can actually HEAR you talking lol.
    My only 'silver lining' is ....at least he didn't ask you how the babies get INTO the tummy!! Now I would seriously be freaking out about answering that one.
    Now go and eat some more cake!

  5. Well Kat, THAT horrific question has come up! A few months ago he asked how they got in there - I got away with saying that mummy's and daddy's have a 'magical cuddle' and God puts the baby in the mummy's tummy. He bought that one!

  6. I don't see a problem. I told my son when he was 4, before school so he knew, that a man put his penis inside a woman's vagina and then babies were made from the sperm meeting the egg. It's basic, it's biology, what's the issue? He had no issue over it, just said ok, and that was that. It's adults who have the issues, not kids. Check out 'Mummy Laid an Egg' by Babette Cole, the best sex ed book ever for 4-6 years. Past that I highly recommend getting hold of a copy of either of Robie Harris' books, 'Lets Talk About Sex' or 'Lets Talk About Where Babies Come From'. At my house, those books sit on the bookshelf and the kids (4 and 6) can look at them whenever they want. I would prefer that they knew the truth and the facts rather than looking silly in front of their peers if they didn't know, or worse knew some kind of made up version from adults.

  7. Hmmmm, thanks for your thoughts.

  8. Hehe GREAT post - I just started following you on Twitter and when I saw the tweet about this I couldn't resist checking it out.
    ... can I just say despite never ever wanting a caesarean, I think this is one area where I can stall the awkward questions when they arise! "This line is where the doctor cut *you* out of mummy... and the other one is where the doctor hauled your brother out!"
    (PS love your husband's response. sounds familiar!)